Calm Parents, Happy Kids: The Secrets of Stress-free Parenting

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Because it's an honest, well-written, compassionate roadmap for a relatively new way of raising our kids. Markham presents simple yet powerful ways to cut through the squabbling and foster a loving, supportive bond between siblings. I managed to get 3/4 through before I gave up as I felt like pretty much everything I was doing/have done with my 8 and 5 year old so far has been wrong and I am a terrible parent. Thereafter the text develops, in picayune detail, rules for interacting with kids of various ages in different circumstances, all with the goal of instilling the regula in the kids such that they are self-managing. This book snuggles into the bosom of attachment parenting and Alfie Kohn-style resistance to behaviorism without actually using those terms much.

Markham is word vomiting her way through Psychology 101 explaining basic principles of introductory psychology. It means controlling yourself no matter what, so you can better influence your children to make good decisions. There's a lot of this sort of flowery language and it doesn't appeal to me as a reader or as a parent looking for help in the day-to-day struggle of raising children. Step-by-step examples give solutions and kid-tested phrasing for parents of toddlers right through the elementary years.Many of her recommendations circle back to one-on-one emotional connection with kids, often through physical play. In cases where she can't get away with that, she goes with apophasis -- "saying but not saying" -- like where she compares sleep training to leaving your kid in a Russian orphanage, and then backtracks and says that of course it's totally different, but also, you know, maybe somewhat similar. The security of knowing that someone is on his side, watching out for him, is what allows a child to risk bumps, scrapes and disappointment – in other words, to learn, grow and develop resilience.

In other words, the baby is in a state of stress but stays quiet because he's been taught that asking for help is futile. Unless they’re free to make their own choices, they can’t learn the connection between choices and consequences. But I was looking for more practical ways to deal with my two year old's defiance and tantrums, to help him through the times when he just plain has to do something like get dressed and throws a big fit, and what I got was a lot of philosophy and no real tips, other then "Love him a lot and he will WANT to do the right thing.

I already love him lots and am well connected with my baby, but he still hates it when I change his diaper, no matter how much I hug him. I have become resigned to the fact that change is not only difficult but it takes time, and that goes for the parents AND the children. It is particularly ironic that correlation is confused for causation in this book given the language used throughout.

By the end of the episode all the yelling, "serenity now," turns to pent up emotions and the saying becomes, "serenity now, insanity later. The foreword by Jack Canfield did the book no favors, and there were occasional maudlin passages about the joys of connecting with your child and cutesy testimonials from satisfied consumers. Other assertions, such as that disapproving of a child's emotional expression will teach him/her that (s)he is bad and turn them into a maladjusted adult incapable of interpersonal relationships doesn't even get a citation because obviously that's utter nonsense.Instead, I went over, got down on his level, and said, "You're mad because Bailey's riding the car and you want a turn, right? I'm giving it three stars because I think she's right that positive attention is a good way to prevent bad behavior.

I love the list of what children learn when parents allow the child's feelings and respond with empathy!However, I have already seen differences in my kids after just a few days and I am happier as a mom. He doesn’t have normal access to the internal resources he needs to handle the normal challenges of everyday life. Doing a time-in and sitting next to him as he kicked, screamed, and fought back required a lot of patience, but over time he has learned to express his feelings using words. There are literally entire books written debunking the Baltimore attachment theory experient, which she not only cites but gives an entire sidebar.